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One crisp September afternoon, two young souls collide in the pasta aisle of the Whole Foods on 97th and Columbus, as both make a grab for the last box of gluten-free macaroni. Can I make it any more obvious? They fall in love, fast and hard, bonding over their mutual loathing of Jake Gyllenhaal and not-so-secret obsession with Euphoria. Six months later, they’re on a trip to Vegas, and an Elvis impersonator is asking for their vows. For a few months, things are great… and then summer hits. They discuss travel: Jamie realizes that Evie prefers backpacking to five-star resorts. Evie learns to hate Jamie’s nail-biting. Neither of them can compromise on the thermostat temperature. Or the existence of a deity. Or how best to solve global poverty. The two begin to understand that they’ve made a dreadful mistake. Happily ever after is over, and it’s time for a divorce. Oh, and—Evie’s pregnant.

This post was originally published on the Cardozo Journal of Equal Rights and Social Justice website on March 23, 2022. The original post can be accessed via the Archived Link button above.

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